I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
