stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
