if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize