I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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