Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
