I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize