Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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