There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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