trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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