You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
