He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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