This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
