Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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