She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
soo... how was my night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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