If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
