i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
