You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
