I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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