I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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