All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
