saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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