i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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