my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Did I show you my penis last night?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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