i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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