Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
