And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
