Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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