YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
50% drunk capacity currently
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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