her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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