My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
