The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
