He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
