ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
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