Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
