I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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