Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
