Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
