Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
