So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
