considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
