Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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