i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
God I need to hump something, right now.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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