so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize