You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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