There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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