I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
