She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
