that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize