i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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