My room smells like vodka and shame
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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