I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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