my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
