Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
