Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
