Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
