What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
