I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
