I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
