Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
