I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
