facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
