Quick, to the slutcave!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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