The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
