judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
