I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
