So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
