There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
