well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just tell him i said nine months
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Found your dick twin last night
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
