Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why do cheetos always look like penises
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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