I wish you could order shots online.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
