I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize