sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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