I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
