Dude my mom stole all your condoms
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
