No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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