Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
