tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
im holly from the hills drunk
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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