Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
