I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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