Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Randomize
