Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
