i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My feet surprised me
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