none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yo dont text me then not text me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
