no, he came in my armpit
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
