you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
