Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize