you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He passed out mid-signature
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
