Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
