Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
