so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
