He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You pole danced in your parka.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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