when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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