well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
