pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
