Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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