Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
