I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
