she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
