drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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