Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
