Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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