Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
