and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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