I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
