I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
