I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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