dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
