Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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