It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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