Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
