What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
