Michael Bay diarrhea
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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