This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
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