As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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