Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize