Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
