addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
