just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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