why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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