i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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