Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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