I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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