Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?

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(847): View more from Illinois

She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.

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(407): View more from Florida

I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium

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(720): View more from Colorado

At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..

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(917): View more from New York City

idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now

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(303): View more from Colorado

Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower

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