thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
