glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
